This has been an interesting week. It had some highs and some lows. It started with an unexpected invitation, that led to a sweet and ongoing anticipation, then on to a hurtful disappointment, but ending in a celebration of friendship and fun! So here I am, accepting and feeling and learning and letting  go. Again and again, like the waves that come and go, the tides that ebb and flow and I have to let it go. I have to let it go.

Even as I stand in this place of pain, I am surrounded. What is more, is that I feel surrounded. In the place of romance denied: lots of connection and flirtation, and then no date, no first kiss; I feel surrounded by love. I am grateful to the point of tearful laughter for friends: so many amazing, beautiful, intuitive and kind friends. All of them girls! So my heart celebrates my girlfriends and I don’t feel alone. Between the lot of them, since I’ve been dumped before the first date (that’s a first, a new level of rejection) two days ago, they’ve given me perspective, breakfast, laughter, hugs, visits, space to be sad, company, alcohol, distraction, poems, insight, praise, hope, love and belonging.  My life is rich with true and sincere friendships. I am grateful.

I also refuse to get stuck, I determine to take every possible positive pinch of learning and wisdom from this experience. I will process it in such a way that it propels me forward, upwards, stronger, freer. I will keep the dream alive and not give in to cynicism.

So I went down to the beach this evening, tuned in and came away with this:

Barefoot and Beach

Today I am grateful
As I walk barefoot 
on the beach and in the water

this is where I worship
the great outdoors
a true cathedral

I am in awe
of the beauty of my world
and the stillness in my soul
I rest in sweet acceptance

Mother Earth
holds me in her arms
Her water lifts burdens
from my heart

It is the sun
that warms me
whose light plays
with the shadows
and the dark

And I breathe
and close my eyes
to hear better
the sound of waves
caress my ears
to feel better
the winter sun rays
kiss my face

I take off my shoes
to be barefoot
on the earth

and I believe the universe
holds and prepares
a Love for me

A Love that is 
beautiful
pure
and free. 

And I let him go, again and again. I keep on letting him go, this one that has captured my heart and my soul. This one that came with a key that unlocked something hidden so deeply in me. I let him go. I let him go, but I hold onto the dream and the hope of a true and loving connection with a gorgeous man.

I forgot to add the poem that a friend shared with me. I like poems. I like words. My own and those of others. They help me. So I share them and appreciate it when they are shared with me.

someone can be madly inlove with
you. and still not be ready. they can
love you in a way you have never been
loved. and still not join you on the
bridge. and whatever their reasons
you must leave. because you never 
ever have to inspire anyone to meet
you on the bridge. you never ever
have to convince someone to do the
work to be ready. there is more
extraordinary love. more love that you
have never seen. out there in this
wide. and wild universe. and there is
the love that will be ready.

nayyirah waheed.