Still water

The water is still
It does not speak
Yet I hear its promise
“I will embrace you.”
I have no arms but
I will wrap myself around you.”

The water shimmers
and invites me
to come rest
to be carried
to find stillness
on this quiet day
to find it’s reflection and see
the sky another way

The water is pure
it does not lie
it knows my loneliness
and has heard from 
the One who created the sky

The One who has chosen
us for reflection

Reflecting His being
as I rest and learn
from the water
that’s been given.

 

I wrote this poem in September 2015. It was towards the end of a journalling journey that started in May 2012, when I had to find a way out of deep darkness. See “My journey towards wholeness” in pages. (eventually, still under construction)

I started to find the courage to make some decisions to bring about much needed change in my life.

First I enrolled in a creative arts course between September 2013 and June 2014.  Then in July 2014 decided to work reduced hours in order to have more time for reflection and play. This created some breathing space and less pressure from day to day. Consequently anxiety and frustration levels started to diminish even more and there was more room in my mind to be creative, to think of solutions, rather than staying stuck in the behaviours of survival strategies. Time in nature played a big part in the process of finding spaces in time and place to allow for being, observing and comtemplating as well as nurturing creative expression

By September 2015 I had ended my marriage with divorce and I had bought a little house in a pleasant village on the Gower Peninsula in South Wales.

The writing then dried up for a couple of years. It was time to discover running and yoga. This was necessary to reach deeper into stuffed down, locked up emotions. With deep hip stretches it literally felt like being broken, to open up.

Recently the creative spark was ignited like never before and I was drawn strongly back to water and walking barefoot, particularly on the beach. This coincided exactly with falling in love and sexual desire being reawakened. It literally felt like a fire was ignited in my pelvis and burning all the way into my chest area. The difference this time, is that I do not feel embarrassed or ashamed for the way I feel and for the longings in my heart and soul and body! There is absolutely nothing wrong with them.  There is nothing to be pitied for a particular relationship not developing. Rather, there is a beautiful and powerful awakening in my own life. It is one that I fully embrace and I run with the energy to develop my expressive voice and creativity.  Because fear, guilt and shame has been removed energy can flow freely into expression and bring more expansion and connection into my life. This is liberating, the words are my power and my words become powerful. Desire for something does not equate to neediness. Pretending that certain desires do not exist make us weak and confused, acknowledging all that we are and feel and think make us powerful with a voice that can speak clearly. See Barefoot and Beach. The weekend that I wrote that piece, I bought a bright orange jumper that I have since found irresistable to wear. I already wonder what I used to wear before I acquired it!

What I find fascinating is how the dots of my journey connect and line up with the knowledge/observations relating to the spinal chakra energy centres. I know very little about this. My background is scientific, medical, western: the mindset that searches for prediction and control; the approach the seems to aim at building boxes for everything. One way of thinking towards fragmentation, the other towards integration.

My own journey and experiences has most certainly peaked my own interest to learn more about the energy body and to explore other models of understanding health and disease. One thing I can say for sure is that the process of becoming and practicing as a medical doctor, did not contribute to my own health and healing, quite the opposite. On the contrary, practicing a slower pace in life, creative expression, reflection, meditation and prayer, running and yoga has brought much healing and wellbeing to my life.

There are a lot of resources around chakra meaning and healing. The second or sacral chakra that is located below the navel is associated with creativity, sexuality and pleasure. It’s element is water and it’s colour is orange. When I read about the symptoms of it being blocked and out of balance, I am amazed at the accuracy of how it played out in my own life.

So my wish for you as reader is that my poem and my story will make you curious to explore new ways of thinking and living, especially if you feel stuck in a rut or a situation.

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s