Love is whatever we make of it. We get to define it. We have to decide it, define it, imagine it, create it, live it. If we don’t do these things, love will not exist. This is something I’ve written that kind of explains, to myself, my own perplexing journey in search of romantic love. It helps me to laugh at all the silliness in relation to this rather serious matter and helps me to laugh despite the pain and the regret of many mistakes and misunderstandings. I think it is important to share and talk about these matters, we all want and even need this kind of love. Why deny ourselves through ignorance and the silence that feeds it? No need for that.
The failing fairy tale
Once upon a time there was a damsel, she was in distress. She did not know what to do or how to save herself from her predicament. She was beautiful, to be admired. God forbid, for her to become a wall flower, or even worse, a spinster. But she had few skills, she needed someone strong and clever who could defend her, take care of her, save her and show her how to be happy and live.
Along came a knight, he was clothed in shining armour, of course! He was strong and confident, certain of his abilities to survive in what often appeared to be a world full of threats. He had his sword and his strength. He could hunt and kill to feed and defent himself and any other weaker ones, should the need ever arise. Maybe a woman and one day, if he is lucky, maybe even a child. It is only for the best of knights ot win the affection of the most beautiful woman, the one who outshines all the others, a princess even.
Well, we all now what happened. He found the damsel, the one in distress. He saw her beauty, was smitted. What’s more, he possessed what she needed. He knew just what to do…
He rescued and protected her, was glad for the possession of his sword and strength. He felt successful, full of purose, important in his owne life and its mission.
And she felt safe and secure, content to be beautiful and admired, in awe of the potency and pwer of this knight who rescued her, now her man, her lover and they lived happily ever after!
Today there is a woman, she used to be a girl. Clever and competitive, capable of many things, yet the most consistent wall flower. She is the one who was left on the shelf, dreading the day she would turn into spinster. Her only vice was her stupid belief in fairy tales! For all her intelligence she could not see the stupidity of all the stories and the phrases in our language that echo their sentiments. She lacked discernment in this particular way.
The knights ignored her, mocked her, occassionally conquered her for some perverted pleasure, only to discard her. How dare she be like this: so talented and capable, so lacking in helplessness!
So unfolded her journey, the repeating patterns that formed her, no… they broke her heart till it was almost gone, unable to hold onto a dream of ever finding a loving companion, not a stupid knight, but a real man.
One who won’t need her to be weak so he can feel strong.
One who won’t see her as a threat, as some sort of competition.
One who will have his own light, his own worth, his own purpose and joy, an equal indeed.
One who can see, who understands that with her, the fairy tale simply doesn’t work!
I can tell you more of this woman, the one who survived, despite getting killed a few too many times by confused knights with their swords and strength. Attracted by her energy until they came closer, then she feels like a threat and in their panic, they chop off her head!
She remains alone and ever strong. She sorrows and weeps and yes she still longs. She also laughs and lives and sings her own songs. Best of all, she’s learnt to let go and forgive. Who is the man who will be her match? Who don’t believe in fairy tales, but maybe still in myths?
And I wonder…. what will be made of this?
I will be curious to hear your views, your stories. Can you identify with the capable damsel or the confused knight? Do we need to reconsider the stories we tell that shape our expectations in the most subtle and subconscious ways? I think we need new stories for the new generation, but also for ourselves.
This is a little play with the concept of the traditional fairy tale, but it tells of a capable damsel and a confused knight and how that leads to the pain of misunderstanding and loneliness. Let’s tell the stories of real girls and boys, real men and women. Our stories. It’s up to us to make up the myths and then make them true.