“Authenticity flows out of truthfulness and it is the only way to find acceptance. From the place of acceptance of what is real/true, transformation can take place, spiritual growth is possible. Without this, the willingness to be truthful, pretense becomes the only alternative.”
from the Alchemy of Voice by Stewart Pearce (I think)
So if the reality of the matter is that my true self was rejected by those who were positioned in my life to provide the first experiences of acceptance, my true self still craves that acceptance and can never be satisfied until that acceptance is received.
When my voice of expression is ignored, ridiculed, criticized or invalidated by those who were placed in my life to listen and guide with kindness, my soul is crushed into insecurity and doubt.
This is a dark place of fear and rejection. This is a barren place of hunger and desperation. This place is full of confusion and healthy growth of the seed that is me becomes impossible.
In this place I then learn to craft masks and sounds in the hope of finding acceptance and love, expressed to my famished soul most powerfully as inclusion.
With my true self hidden away and unloved in a prison of lies, I grow into a vocal being that is disconnected from my heart. The sound of me is false, inauthentic, weak and gets ignored, ridiculed, invalidated and criticized.
The cycle repeates itself, the wounds get deeper, the desperation grows stronger, but all I know is what I fear most of all: to reveal my true self and get rejected, again.
Love found me though: alone and afraid and in hiding. Love taught me, gently, to speak the truth to myself. It then taught me to accept myself and now Love is teaching me to speak. I am coming out of hiding and it feels good! It feels good not to be afraid of rejection, because I’ve accepted myself and I’m ready for life.
Do you recognize this journey? Have you been on it? Have you found your true voice? Are you still hiding?